It Gets Darkest At Dawn
by Tutorgirl92
Summary: “Whatever I tell you, never leaves this room” She answered as she walked back over to the bed sitting down “it'll leave this room when I'm good and ready for everyone to know....I swear cabbage patch if anyone finds out Sequal to Misery Loves Company Upd
1. Chapter 1

AN: Well this is the sequel to 'Misery Loves Company', I know most of you are confused as to how theres a sequel, without Chuck, but you'll see as things progress, where it's going. Not much to say, other then enjoy, and review!

--

It was sleeping next to someone she missed the most, Serena and Nate just didn't cut it. Although they'd been there for her the entire summer, never leaving her side unless she begged for space, she found that she didn't need space, she needed him. She needed his arms wrapped around her, the scent of scotch on his breath, even the way he touched her in the softest ways, making every thrust every movement inside of her gentle, like the first time had been in the back of the limo. She missed his smile, and his cheesy persona, she just missed him. The Hampton's without Chuck Bass, was like Barney's without designer clothes, it just wasn't the same, and Blair Waldorf without Chuck Bass, was like an atomic bomb had been dropped desolating all life around the surrounding areas.

Slowly making her way back to her lounge chair, Blair slowly sat down resting her head back with a sigh, today just wasn't her day, it was Chucks 3month anniversary and on top of it she was sick to her stomach. Feeling the cold breeze from the ocean hit her she let out a sigh of relief, as she fanned herself. The summer heat had taken full effect on her for the past couples of weeks and it was safe to say she more then hated it.

"Do you think we could just stay here...till next August?" Blair asked letting her Dior sunglasses fall back onto her nose as she stretched out absorbing the suns rays "When everyones...forgotten?" She said the pain clear in her voice.

"And miss out on Senior year?" Serena answered with a small laugh, putting down the September copy of Vogue "I know its tough B, but you got to get back out there, you can't hide out in the Hampton's for the rest of your life, it'll give Gossip Girl more to talk about."

"They all know B" Sitting up she pulled her knees in close, resting her head on the tops "...I'm the reason...I killed him."

Swooping her legs over the side, she leaned over putting a hand on her best friends back "B, don't say that..it's not true, far from it. He's not really gone, he's still beating inside of you."

"I should have gone with Daddy and Roman back to France" Blair coughed out as a fresh batch of tears slid down her cheeks "...I should have just gone to Tuscany...I shouldn't have gone looking back for him...if I hadn't...I would have never have seen him and that blond and.."

"And what Blair?" Serena questioned getting up and moving over to the opposite lounge wrapping her arms around her best friend "Everything happens for a reason, your the one who tells me that all the time...who knows what would have happened if you hadn't gone back to the suite, but you can't dwell on that, it'll tear you apart Blair I swear it will" After the experience after the Sheppard wedding, Serena had been sure it'd been her fault but had also been able to overcome it, getting on with her life.

"Its just not fair..." Blair muttered pushing her sunglasses back "he didn't...he just didn't deserve to die because of me, it not right or fair, its not"

Serena found herself at a loss for words, here her best friend was in front of her, crumbling and she had no idea how in the hell to help her. Keeping her arms around her, tightly she kissed the top of her head, looking out over the desk "We're gonna get you through this Blair, I promise" She whispered, as the small girl sobbed in her arms.

--

"Shes not ok Nate, far from it" Serena said abruptly later on that night, as the two sat on the deck, watching the nightly waves crash onto shore "She had another breakdown today, I don't know whats gonna happen when we go back to the city."

Putting down his beer Nate sighed shaking his head, it had been anything but an easy summer. Between the destruction of Blair and the loss of his best friend, he honestly couldn't wait for school to start up again so he could have some normal drama or some lack of it. He'd been more then ready and willing to hop on a plane and go find Vanessa, or take his boat and set sail for Vermont. He loved Blair and Serena more then anything, but he needed his space as well. He needed his time to mourn.

"I think when we get back to the city, I'm going to talk to my mom and Eleanor about letting me stay with Blair for a little" Serena persisted, hoping to get anything out of Nate "...She's busy tending to Bart, so it's not like she'll notice I'm gone...I really don't wanna leave her alone right now, I'm scared she'll do something stupid."

"Like?" Nate asked suspiciously, as he spinned the glass bottle, that held very little liquid left. He found it easier at night, to get half drunk. Blair wasn't exactly stable at that time of the day, usually waking up screaming for Chuck, thats how him and Serena had turned her room into theirs as well. Serena had refused to leave her best friends side, and Nate couldn't seem to pull himself away either.

"Like just take off and leave, go to France to be with her father" The blond sighed "Or worse...start doing what caused her heart to fail in the first place. I almost lost her once Nate, she's my best friend. I'll be damned if I lose her again."

"We have one full week left here" He answered, before finishing off the rest of the bottle "One more week, and we'll be back at Constance and St. Judes, once she gets back into her daily routine and social circle she'll be just fine." Deep down, Nate didn't believe himself for a minute but he saw the scared look in Serena's eye. The look he'd only seen once, and prayed he'd never have to see again, he knew she was serious. Sitting up he brought his legs over the lounge, and leaned over putting a hand on her knee "We'll get her through this Serena, I know we can."

--

She hated the night the most, they were always the most difficult. She saw him in her dreams, and couldn't seem to hold onto Serena or Nate tight enough to will them away, it never got any easier. Even with his heart beating in her chest, she found no comfort. It wasn't his arms wrapped safely and securely around her, nothing was ever the same.

Pulling herself up from the cold tiled floor, of her lavish bathroom, she wiped her tear stained cheeks off, trying to hold back the rush of new ones that threatened to be exposed. The nausea that sat in her stomach was far worse then anything else she'd ever felt, she wasn't ready for all of this to be really true, she wasn't.

Putting a little toothpaste on her index fingers, she quickly brushed it over teeth, taking the horrible taste out of her mouth, before slowly making her way into the large bedroom, she'd secluded herself in all summer.

The sheets felt nice and cool as she slid onto them, pulling up the heavy silk comforter she let out a sigh of relief, to finally be off her feet. Today had been the hardest, there was no doubting it. His 1month had nearly killed her, but his 3month, it'd finally set in. He wasn't coming home, he was truly gone. Turning onto her side she grabbed the small frame, she kept under her mattress, that held the last picture they'd ever taken together. It was 3 days before the incident occurred, the two had decided to screw the plans they had and go to Montuk Point, on the Island. It'd been a simple day, whale watching on one the charters or from the beach, a simple picnic, the occasional skinny dip, it'd been almost two perfect. It'd been when the two had seen an old married couple, that Blair knew Chuck was the one for her.

"_Well I am Chuck Bass, after all" Chuck said with one of his award winning smirks, as Blair started into a fit of laughter. It'd been an absolutely perfect day, it was almost a shame that they had to leave after sun down, however Chuck intended to make it all last._

"_You my dear, are completely and utterly insane" Blair responded, pressing her lips to his, letting the kiss linger for a little. It was moments like this, when it was just them, away from the strain of Gossip Girl, that she truly enjoyed. They could just be themselves, normal teenagers, instead of stuck up Upper East Siders. It was truly truly truly perfect._

_Pulling back, Chuck smiled and got up reaching his hand out to help her up. Once so, he wrapped her arm securely around, planting a kiss on the side of her head "you Waldorf, are absolutely amazing" He whispered, a gleam in his eye._

_Resting her head on his shoulder, she smile looking up at him, her thoughts being interrupted when a sudden voice emerged._

"_You remember when we were like that Betty?" An older man asked his wife, as they watched the two._

"_Who you kidding" The older women laughed "We're still like that, just a couple more wrinkles."_

_Looking over a little confused Blair gave a nervous smile, raising an eyebrow "...Do we know you?" She asked sceptically, unsure if they recognized her at all._

"_Oh no, of course not" The older man laugh "Just passing through, and reliving our own memories is all" He said with a smile, pulling his wife close to him"I'm Al, this is my wife Betty" He introduced with a smile. _

"_I'm Chuck Bass, this is my girlfriend Blair." Chuck said with a smile, tightening his arm around his own girl._

"_We're sorry to interrupt you really, we just couldn't help but relive our own past" Betty smiled "We've been married 35yrs, and every things just as it was when we first met. We came here a lot, when we were courting."_

_Blushing Blair picked her head off of Chucks shoulder with a smile. She'd recognized the word from her own grandmother "and your still in love?" She asked cautiously with a smile._

"_As the day I first laid eyes on her" Al said with a gleam in his eyes "fights will happen, feelings will be hurt. But in the end, when you wake up every morning to the one you love, it's worth it. Obstacles in a relationship just make you stronger, it pulls your heart together even more"_

_Blair looked up at Chuck, taking in his features as he listened to the older man. His face being so decisive, taking in every word, and processing them over and over. It was then Blair knew, they were each others forever._

"Why" She whispered, as her newly French manicured fingers, ran over his features in the pictures "Why'd you have to leave me?" She said as she pulled the picture close to her chest, as the tears escaped her eyes.

--

Slowly creeping into Blair's room, Serena let out a sigh of relief seeing that the brunette was out cold. Turning to Nate she shook her head "I'll take care of her tonight, you get some sleep. I'll stay with her."

"Are you sure?" Nate whispered, looking in at the sleeping form that lay under the comforter. "What if she has one of her dreams?"

"Then I'll get you" the blond added "Go, I've got her. Get some sleep."

Closing the door behind her, Serena sighed. Things weren't going to be any easier when they got into the city, only worse. Slipping off her sandals, she quickly stripped down, pulling her La Perla nightgown over her head. Before settling in under the covers, glancing over at Blair. Leaning over she carefully took the frame out of the smaller girls hands, putting it on the nightstand when she felt her stir.

"Chuck" Blair said groggily as she turned over facing her best friend, not fully awake.

"No sweetie, its Serena." She whispered, as she covered her up a little more. "Try and get back to sleep, kay?"

Opening her eyes slowly, Blair felt the sudden pain again when she realized it really wasn't him. Sniffling a little she moved closer to her best friend "I miss him S" She whispered hoarsely "I miss him so damn much."

Wrapping her arms around the smaller girl, she held her close to her "I know you do sweetie, I know you do" She whispered, softly rubbing her back.

"No, you don't" Blair sniffled as the tears started to slide down her cheeks "you have Dan, you get to go home to him in a week...Nate has Vanessa..."

"Blair, don't do this to yourself" Serena said softly "Don't put yourself through this, you know you won't be alone, we would never do that to you."

"I can't do this without him S" She whispered "I'm not strong enough...I can't do this without him."

"Do what sweetie?" She questioned "...You can get past Gossip Girl, without him. I know you can. Your the Queen B, remember?"

Shaking her head rather quickly, Blair pulled away turning away from the blond with a sigh, as she watched the picture, the memories replaying in her head.

"B, don't turn away from me. Tell me, whats going on?" Serena questioned once again, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Pulling away, Blair quickly sat up shaking her head "No!" She snapped "No, no no no no!" She repeated over and over as the tears quickly slid down her cheeks.

Her breakdowns had never been this bad before, never. Serena knew she'd need more help if she wanted to get Blair through the night. Quickly getting up she rushed out of the bedroom and down the hall knocking rapidly and repeatedly on Nate's door "Nate!" She yelled "Nate!!"

It only took a few seconds, for an extremely exhausted Nate to answer the door "Serena what is"

"It's Blair" Serena cut in before he could even finish the sentence "...she's losing it" Serena mustered out as she felt the hot tears build up behind her eyes "We need to get her help."


	2. Chapter 2

_Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered. - _Lucas Scott, 5x15

--

The day Nate left on his boat, Serena knew he wouldn't back, the next time she'd see him would be at some party or in the halls or courtyard of St. Jude's and Constance. It was then she also knew or rather realized that she couldn't take care of Blair on her own. She wasn't anywhere near as strong as everything thought she was, Blair only seemed to be getting worse and worse by each passing day, and she was just a seventeen year old girl, nothing more but blond hair and long legs. The only person she knew would understand was the person who'd never let her down before, the only trouble was he was in Brooklyn and she was in the Hampton's.

Maybe it was a bad idea, or maybe it was the smartest idea she could possibly make all summer, but then she remembered how Blair had helped to get rid of Georgina, and aided him to help destroy her, if anyone could help save her best friend it was Dan Humphrey.

She'd pushed him away, going to the Hampton's for the summer wasn't her idea but she also wasn't about to leave her best friend out there all alone either. She'd promised him they'd stick to a daily ritual, calling every night at nine, usually the last verse of _"No, I love you more"_ or _"No, you hang up first." _would end around three, just in time for one of Blair's 'episodes'. He'd offered countless times, to come out no matter what he thought about the Hampton's and the people there, but truthfully she didn't know where they stood. Calling him however was the only option, he was the only one who could probably get through to Blair, he might now have the been the Waldorf's biggest fan, but he knew how much she meant to Serena, and what would occur if she was to wind up next to Chuck. It was a risk Serena was willing to take even if it meant getting hurt.

_"Listen, I know I said I need space...but I lied. I need you Dan, I can't do this on my own anymore, I tried to pretend like I could but I can't. I don't know what to do Dan, I don't...I can't do this alone anymore." _Serena had managed a whole conversation out on one breath as soon as she heard him pick up his phone _"I need you Dan."_

One small confession, in the middle of the night had lifted a weight off of Serena's chest. One confession, told Dan that she truly needed something to hold onto, and be taken care of for a change, instead of the other way around.

* * *

She was weak, fragile, and broken. Even if she was a Waldorf, the pain she so desperately tried to mask just seemed to grow with each breath she took. Never would she have admitted only six months prior that Chuck Bass was her safe house, he took care of her, he'd been able to get her to open up, in ways people would have never expected from Blair Waldorf.

It didn't matter to her, that his heart along with other things were beating in her body, she needed him. Every single inch and fiber of him, she needed it.

The nausea rising up in her stomach, was just yet another clear reminder he wasn't coming back, that with everything that would occur in the next few months, he wouldn't see. All the books, could tell you your loved ones were with you even if you couldn't see them, but to Blair it was all bull shit and garbage, Chuck wasn't with her, he was gone.

Serena's constant banging on the solid oak bathroom door was what pulled Blair out of her thoughts. Slowly pulling herself up off the cold tiled floor, she sighed seeing the imprint from the tile that had etched itself onto her knees. Walking slowly over to the door she held tightly onto the granite counter top to steady herself.

"Come on B, open the door."

the blond begged from the other side. With a small click from the lock Blair emerged. Her eyes blood shot, her face as white as a sheet, even her perfectly brushed 100 times hair, was nothing more then an absolute mess. Serena had never seen her best friend look this way, never, it was so completely and utterly foreign.

"B...tell me you weren't doing what I think you were doing in there."

Laying down on top of the silk comforter, Blair swallowed hard "Why would I start to do the thing that made my heart fail in the first place?" She asked coyly.

"...B..I heard you...me and Nate, we've both heard you..."

"Nate's gone S" Blair replied simply, not bothering to make any sort of eye contact "How could he possibly hear me when he's probably half to Vermont by now, to see his precious Vanessa."

There'd never been a definite reason as to why Nate had just picked up and left, out of the blue. Deep down both Serena and Blair knew it was because he couldn't handle any of it for much longer. He'd lost his best friend, just like Blair had lost her boyfriend, and Serena her step-brother. He to was upset about it, and needed his own time to mourn. The note had been simple, not pointing any fingers as to why he had left, neither Serena nor Blair could it against him, he'd done all that he could, but he needed his own time as well.

"Blair, please don't bring her into this. You know she has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. He told her what I told Dan, he needs his time to." Sitting down next to Blair, she sighed, putting a hand on her back "I know this is hard on you, and this pain doesn't seem like it'll even go away but it will get better B, it will."

"So says the girl who has someone to go home to, in a couple days" Blair returned coldly, as she looked up at her, her lips pursed tightly together "its really none of your business what I'm doing Serena, if I wanna throw up I will, it's not like I have much say in it, or any type of control."

"Blair, your talking crazy, of course you have control over it."

Getting up, Blair shook her head walking back over to the bathroom door, staying silent. Sighing she held onto the brass door handle, her head looking down. Looking back for a brief minute she sighed "...I really don't S...I really don't." She said with tears in her eyes as she walked back into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, locking it immediately.

* * *

"I wish I could get into her head Dan" Serena murmured as she curled up closer to Dan, taking in all the features she'd so badly missed for the past 2months "...I get that she's hurting, I really do but...something not right, there's something going on we don't know about."

"Do you really think she's purging again?" He questioned cautiously "I know she can be...difficult for lack of better words at times, but, I don't think she'd risk her life like that again, especially after what happened last time."

Running a hand through her hair, the blond nodded casting her gaze up at the sky. The beach was absolutely perfect at night, the entire summer she'd been sneaking down once Blair had fallen asleep and she knew Nate was watching her, it'd been nice then, but even nicer now that she had Dan. She felt silly for having doubted their relationship all summer, when they were perfectly fine. The moment he walked in through the large doors, she got all the same feelings she had when she was with him flood back to her, he really was her safe house.

"Ok, so I'm officially the worst girlfriend in the world" She laughed as she picked her head up from his chest "I should be kissing you right now, not hassling you with all of this."

"I want you to get some sleep tonight Serena." Sitting up a bit, he kept his arms around her, looking down at her "I'll stay up with her, you look like you haven't gotten a full nights sleep all summer. Its time for you to be taken care of."

"Dan...I can't" She protested sitting up all the way "What if she needs me?...I haven't left her side for one night...I can't."

"Yes you can...I'm going to stay up with her. If something happens I'll wake you up in a heartbeat, but for now you need to be taken care of. You need sleep, I've had plenty all summer without you in my loft. Please Serena."

"I love you Dan Humphrey" Serena whispered looking into his eyes, biting down on her lower lip "with everything I have in me."

* * *

"Not now S" Blair mumbled as she walked back into her room, from the bathroom. Her head was spinning and all she wanted to do was to curl up under the covers, and pretend that everything was like it was 6months ago. The constant knocking on her door wasn't helping as she was sure it was Serena wanting to check up on her. "I said not now S..." she dragged off as she saw not Serena but Dan Humphrey "Cabbage patch" She stepped up coldly, her death glare shining right through.

"It's great to see you to Blair" Dan responded "Seriously, I must say this is the absolute highlight of my summer Waldorf. Couldn't have gone back to St. Jude's without seeing you."

"You can leave your sarcasm at the door, along with those lovely good will hand me downs your wearing. If you came to mock me Dan, I'd rather you not, I've got plenty more on my mind, I don't need to be burdened by you as well."

"I figured I'd give Serena the night off" He responded keeping his cool. He had to tell himself that it was the hurting Blair talking, not the normal Blair. Even if the normal Blair was normally bitchy 24/7.

"Well I'm fine...totally and utterly fine" She nodded, not bothering to make eye contact with him. Not because of who he was, but because she knew she'd lose it for the hundredth time that day. She didn't want him or anyone else to see her cry, it'd show her weakness, something she wasn't about to let anyone see. "Go be with Serena...she needs you...I don't"

Walking over to the bed, he ran a hand over his face before sitting down. He could see the pain just radiating off of her, this wasn't the Blair Waldorf he knew, just the shell of what once was. Cautiously putting a hand on her back he shook his head "Serena...she's really worried about you Blair. We...we all are."

"Don't ever underestimate how much she loves you Dan" Blair whispered, her eyes filling up slowly "That girl is so head over heels in love with you, I've never seen her before like this, never. You have to take care of her, because...I can't anymore." She chocked up as she gripped tightly to the comforter "I just can't"

"Blair whats going on? And don't give me the whole nothing I'm just mourning crap, this is not the Blair Waldorf I know. The Blair Waldorf I know would call security on me because I have my hand on your back. If you can't talk to Serena the please talk to me, its killing her seeing you like this, it really is. You can trust me."

"You wouldn't understand" She whispered "The pain...it never goes away. Nothing I do will stop it. I close my eyes and I see him, I drift off into a day dream, I see him...I look at myself I see him!...I took his life Dan, if I hadn't been so stupid and took all those pills, he'd still be here."

"This is going to sound incredibly odd, especially since you have a new heart and all but...have you taken anything?...I'm sure you have some sort of anti-anxiety medicine laying around. This might be the time you really need it."

Swallowing hard Blair quickly shook her head as she slowly stood up "No...no I definitely can't do that, no no no." Walking over to the window she continued to shake her head as she peered out the window "I won't risk it all."

"Risk what?" He questioned as he watched her closely "I'm totally against taking drugs to relive emotional pain and what not but you need them Blair, you know you do."

"Whatever I tell you, never leaves this room" She answered as she walked back over to the bed sitting down "it'll leave this room when I'm good and ready for everyone to know...I swear cabbage patch if anyone finds out...that _lovely_ loft you and your family live in will be gone faster then you can blink...Not even Serena can know"

She was serious, he could tell. Putting a hand on her knee he nodded "Your secret is safe with me Blair. Not even Serena will know until if or when your ready to tell her."

Leaning over Blair did a very unlike Blair thing to do and hugged Dan tightly. For once she actually saw him as a friend, not just another reject from Brooklyn. Pulling back she took in a breath, chewing down on her unglossed lip "Dan I...I'm"

* * *

AN: They don't call me the queen of cliffhangers for nothing :) enjoy, and please please please review.


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